Hans does stand up

Between beers and polkas, Hans was fond of telling jokes. Sometimes he would botch the punchline, though. Here's how he tells a popular pirate joke to the patrons at the local Kneipe:

"This pirate goes into a bar and orders a beer," Hans begins. "Ah, it makes you thirsty already, nicht whar?" To emphasize the point, he tosses down the last of his current beer, and orders another. Hans continues, "The bartender draws a MassKrug," but pauses again to quaff his newly refilled glass. "All this talk of beer makes it hard to concentrate. Wo war ich? The pirate-- no, the bartender-- Ach, wer war das?" Holds up his empty glass, Hans summons the Barmann. "Bitte! Nock ein Glas!" As quickly as it's filled, he drains the glass again. "Ahh jetzt erinnere mich!" Confidence buoyed, Hans resumes telling the joke. "The bartender-- that's it, the bartender-- says to the pirate, 'Do you realize you've got a steering wheel in your Hosen?'" Of course, all the patrons have heard Hans tell the joke a hundred times, so they remind him the pirate would be wearing pants, not Hosen.

"'Aye,' says the pirate," says Hans, "'and it's drivin' me crazy!'"

A less fractured version of this crazy, nutty joke can be found at


Frau Hans often told him he should be cremated as it would be his last hope for a smoking hot body.


To be continued...